My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
