So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
