Four minutes until I can fart!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
