Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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