In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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