Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
