I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
