Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
