I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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