Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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