Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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