why didn't you poke me back
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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