I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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