a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dick very happy bro
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
