So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
