clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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