Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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