I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
