I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
