Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
