dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
