I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
