drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed