ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??