I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls