You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.