remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.