please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
