You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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