Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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