I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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