I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
