I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
