just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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