i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
MIDGETS
????
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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