Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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