I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize