its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
