How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
