Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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