dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
