this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
