If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
