Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
