I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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