We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
