just tell him i said nine months
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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