he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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