Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I could fuck to npr.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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