I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
