Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
