Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
