that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
