nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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