so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
