As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
