So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I cannot find my penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
