Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We need to feng shui this bitch.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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