I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
