Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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