She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You are a genius and a whore.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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