We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dick very happy bro
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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