i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I AM VODKA MAN
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
