I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
