Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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