just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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