Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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