Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
