I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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