sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
