His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
