I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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